no matter how hard i scream,
no matter how high i jump,
no matter how deep i cry,
no matter how much i try,

here`s the truth.
the past is still deep within. i can never let it go. Why? why wont people understand? my past is buried deep within me and its just too deep. i facade it with my smiles. i put it in my heart. like in a drawer. i close it shut and lock it up. i threw away the key. its there, safe. i told myself never to bring it up again. but some things just had me unlocking that drawer and dwelling in my past. no people will never understand. they laugh at me. im the kid who got beaten up and shoved to the corner of the room. im the kid that people laugh at. im the kid who try so hard to be somebody but just can never be one. yup , thats me. i dont blame you for what you have added to that drawer of mine. that drawer needs to be dispose away. far far away where i will never ever find again.



Dear God, i really just wanna lose my memory. i`ve dwelled too much on things that hurt me that i have never seem to realize with what i am blessed with. i am contented. so much. but i cant seem to tel myself that everytime. i wana start anew. with dad, with mum, with my family.
maybe then life wouldnt be all so bad. i wouldnt meet you. you wouldnt meet me. i wouldnt ruined your friendships. i wouldnt create much joke of myself. you wil still be with them. i will still have dad. dear God, if only you will hear my cry. with all this new things you are putting me thru, why?why now? im at my weakest now. i just want things my way for once. please. if i ask too much, you will never give it to me. please God, you are great and mighty. you know how much pain i am in. please, just take me away. bring me to dad. bring me away.



when im gone, i want the world to go on like i never existed. i want people to laugh on my funeral and thank God that im gone. I wont happy music to be played. i want every to be clapping along. but i know, i will never hurt the world when im gone. but i`ll hurt her. so much. so deep. i`ll put her the pain im going through now. i wont put her to that.

Thank you God, I Love You.
I`ll Be the one to suffer. not her.
Thank You God, you have answered my prayers.