Lots of things are happening right now. its all being thrown on to me all at a time. Sometimes we have to keep on moving but everytime we tell ourselves not to give up, a certain memory of the past remind us how much we have failed then, thus it keeps you from moving forward. God, please make us stronger. We are humans after all. We deserve a chance.

Zeeq, im sorry i turned out this way. Im strong but i cant face it if it turns out this way.
Sara, Im sorry i isolate myself. I think its the best way.
JAMMARC, Thanks for always being there for me. Through thick and thin. But i think, this time, i wanna face this alone. I Dont want things to turn ugly because of this. You guys noe what im referring to. Its the matter of life and death. Once you agree to help me, there is no turning back. This thing is powerful. I have problems restraining myself.

To You, Im sorry. I know you have problems of your own too. im willing to help you. Just give me a chance to. i promise never to forsake you and always be there for you if you need me. Please, give me a chance,. I know what you are going through. Its not easy, i know. But dont let that affect you. You are strong. Please. Believe.


Losing Track Of time is the most i asked from life.

I hope this will all be over soon. Differences makes us stronger.



Dear zahirah, I hope things will get better with your friendship now im gone from the picture. i hope this past few days i have been isolating myself from school, your friendship with her improves as there isnt an idiot to bug you. Maybe this is the best way. I`ll be glad to absent myself more so long it makes the situation better. Yes i know, i carry a murderer around. Perhaps that is the cause for all our miseries. Kudos to you. May your friendship be stronger, now that im gone.





-MonsterGirl

death never seem so real

whaddup. today was a disater. it started out with strange events that happened at home too coincidently. i was feeling really bad and wanted to break down and cry in school, but AMALINA managed to cheer me up! Thanks yah (:

Bestie and i today was talking about some stuff on OCH and witchcraft. Yes, i am in trouble. Thank God, i have friends who will stick with me to the end. I Love you guys D:


So i burnt my finger. and ouh, i have a really adoroble friend, who mistook SUGAR for SALT and she baked the cake with SALT! Guess how it tasted like? Salty! HAHA Damn cute ah please!


Today, i got a new deck! His name is dexter! i skate when i reached home. Bloody idiots stare at me and zeeq like WTH ah. Nvr see Goths on decks is it!!




- To whoever, sometimes, when you push someone too hard, the person might not resurface. I understand your situation. But why do you rather hurt me then them? do you think i just have about enough?



Im gonna find out who i am. Im gonna prove them wrong. i will make this through.

I Know OF a really really special Person. Deep Down in this person, is a big heart filled with courage and love. This Person is really strong because she holds on to values. Values That shapes her heart and cleanses her soul. Values that installed confidence in her and mould it to perfection. Everyone loves her company because Whenver she is around, she can turn the most saddest day to the happiest day anyone can ever wish for. Her happy spirit often brings out a smile on everyone`s face. She doesnt have to try hard to make people`s day, she can do it so well that its like a gift.


But, its a pity. Because she doesnt realize how much she is worth. If Only She knows that:

Not any valley is deep enough compared to the love she has shared with me.
Not any honey is sweet enough compared to her smile.
And not any heat is warm enough compared to the warmth she brings to everyone`s hearts. Then perhaps, This really really really special person will be the one who brings out the joy in us again.



if Only you knew how much you are worth, then perhaps you wouldnt hate yourself so much



I will always be there for you.

I love you



Be strong, you gotta keep holding on.

So here is another sleepless night. im staying up to finish up my F&N. I dont know where to start, today is a complete mess. i`ll just summarize everything. today, i came to learn that my existence has caused many conflicts and friendships to be broken. I dont know, right now, i crave for alesana.
The only thing that makes me control is alesana. i cant believe i can still cry at any given moment. i guess its jealousy. "Jealousy Rears its ugly head, I wont forget The things you said before you turned your back . Goodbye Goodnight For good" at instances like this, i begin to realize, who i truly am. It Doesnt take too much to die. its just a jump away. i find my comfort in gore. God, what is wrong with me? Why do you make me this way? Am i born to look like a living example of a failure? God, please, if the world will be a better place to live in when im gone, please take me away. I deserve my punishment in hell for all the good things i never said to people. Sometimes its hard to imagine how much shit you can get yourself into because of curiosity. I need to save myself from the hell of trouble i got myself in. Im geting a deck tomorrow, I hope that is where i can let it all out. Skating. I let my Dark side out, and im gonna let it reign. Something about me doesnt seem to belong. I need a break. God, Put me in coma. I think i just have about enough. i need a break now.



To whom it may concern, My deepest apology cause i have went against your words. I ventured into the paranormal. Now its time to learn my mistakes so you will never have to do it. I know how much, the tatoo means to you, i apologize for the good things i never said about you. Being in a position where im caught up with you and school, i need to save myself from this agony. I used myself in anguish. Just to prove to you i was sorry. Isnt that enough for you to come back alive? Please, wake up. Death does not mean you are gone. Wake up please. I am really sorry. If only you can see the state i am now, i bet you wouldnt have let ur life go. It was precious till you gave it away. Please come on home. I`ll be waiting for your call. I miss you.

HAHA! Oh My Goth! Today was one bad ass day! i went for religious class then there was this buncha monkeys who shouted emo at my face! Dumbo! they trying to pick a fight ah. Den this KHAIR bodoh boy, hide the shoes. Ding dong air heads! Empty vessels man seriously! Then they stalked people all the way home and shouted EMO SHIT!! Dumbo ass! please lah, do they know they look like pigs! want to fight with peopl then ask " why you stare stare?!" school drop outs ah! They dont even understand english! HA! inside the bus this khair bodoh still can say "aku macam nak potong orang ah tapi takde kayu!" funny man! stupid ah he! PLease ah, if you wanna kill someone you dont tell the whole world "Today i`m gonna murder someone" dumbo ah. Next week i am so gonna come to religious class without mum waking me up!! and then im gonna tell my ustaz " Wah ustaz! sekarang eh, pencuri dah desperate ah, kasut orang pun nak curi" im gonna put sugar in his shoes! watch out man! just because you smoke, desnt mean you scare me BOYS! Grow UP! Childish crap! Stalker ass! PIG FACE!! There is four of them btw. One is KHAIR BODOH BOY, FITRI mr DING DONG, GLASSES WEIRDO and FAT ASS.


Khair bodoh boy, has big eyes, he looks like a pig. Has a weird haircut. The "Leader" of the gang.He is one of my close friend`s cousin that abuses small boys. what a loser. Ouh and he has oily face that needs some blotting. yup! so this si how he looks like. he looks like a cross between them.









Fitri mr ding dong, is my primary school friend. who has a weird love for hardcore music. he is kinda good looking but put to a waste because of his sucky atittude. meet FITRI.


Glasses weirdo, has a sister, his sister doesnt like me. He dresses really weirdly and likes hardcore music. He has a really weird sense of fashion! A disaster! i would be ashamed if he was my brother. But thank God he isnt! I love GOD D:


Fat ass is well, fat. he thinks he is cooll becos he hangs around with those gangsters. but its a pity because they use him ah. they bully him. what a loser. cant he see?! ok so meet him. the guy on your extreame right squating down doing rock sign with his hands.




OH BOY! You guys messed with the wrong girl. This isnt over yet, the party has just begun.

shhesh ninja! Today was one bad ass day. Ok so letmme write it down to remeber what hell of a day i got from ninja bad ass today. ok so it started out this morning. i came to school t 6 to practice for racial harmony sweet ass thang. But guess what? no one was dere at 6! They were late! sheesh! i dint even slp well last night. i wasnt feeling goddman well too! so practice, blah blah blah. was pissed in the morning until i saw her. OMG la! i was so happy after talking to her in the morning. Ha! Seriously, someone worthe smiling for :) . so after i saw her in the canteen in the morning, i blushed all the way lah. ding dong sahidah still can state the obvious that i was blushing! hee haha. so yea.



during the performance, we were second to perform. CRAP! i saw the dong dong cheng, i lost my steps already. i was laughing on stage ah! saying "what the hell are we doing mariah?!!" yea. so screwed that part. Now i noe why dance is not my cca! so anyway, it was damn funny at the fort minor part. lynette forgot her lyrics. den mariah and i at the back were like doing some mini moshpit without the agrresion. hah! like MUSTANGS!!


chemistry was *dreamy. i wasnt paying attention. i saw miss siti in a new ray of darkness. filled with hate and aggresion. she was slurring her words. i was thinking of ways to kill her.

Maths was sucky. i had terrible pain in the head. yea. but felt a whole lot relief that she was sitting beside me D:


But she kinda like say something to me that kinda hurt ah. but yea, im fine. i guess.



i cant handle the amount of fakes in here.


went home. talked to BSSFL. talked about school at what hurt the most. Suprisingly, even BSSFL, cant cheer me up on that one. Sorry man, i know you are reading this. So decided to vent it out with a new scar. (this is the part where you are suppose to scream)


Not even Magadeth blasting from the stereo made me feel a whole lot shit ass better.

maybe Alesana helped. Sweetheart, you are sadly mistaken. The screamo made me cry. Dang! but not cradle of filth. it dint help me much.


2dae, i learned something, nvr to acknowledge her infront of the girl that likes her. Cos den, her whole clan will stare at you. And HER, will ignore you. This Bastards. Now, i realize the amount of fakes in school are increasing at the number of their Bitch personality. Fakes! Get a Freaking hobby and stop pretending to be someone you`re not! I see you in a new ray of darkness now. One that is filled with my hatred that burns and bruises your stare deep.



-Monster Girl-

feeling poignant

right now we are having CWO. But Yun Hi and I decided to take some COLD air from the lab! its so boring. we practically ran arou nd with newspapers on railings which is sumting we arent assigned to do. we were told to clean the windows in the hall but it didnt need much cleaning. so here we are having our unofficial break! whahahaha!



-monsterGirl-

so today was kinda sucky.
yea. i wanna get out of school.
so miss siti pissed me off, called zeeq and complain! (thanks BSSFL i love you)
so sara and i went out yesterday to meet zeeq. OCH yea? NO. Zeeq dint allow me to go. haha!
yea blah blah!
OMG!! im ANTI SITI!! miss siti!!
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
hAte with the capital A!!!
ugh!!
sorry zeeq D:

blah blah!
I HATE YOU!!
Screw you! Stop seeking attention dammnit! if you want her, just take her!!
Dont have to roll your freaking Goddamn eyes at me!!!
sheeesssh! Talk about attention seekers!
i hate you! i hate you!!

OK so, today i practically ran away from lessons. If anyone wish to report me, please do cos i will be glad to be expelled from school D:


-Monster Girl

BOO monster girl!

see! i told ya Gothic sara and i are gonna break into ur account!!

BOO! so here`s to you BSSFL! hope this will make your day!

D:

MOnster girl, we appreciate your presence and your laughter. Though at times we hurt you, you never took our words too seriously. We hope that you get the relationship you want. but always remeber one thing, sara and I will always be in your heart and in your mind. We combined blood, we will never forsake you. Cheer up. Your dark days will soon be gone.

We love you! And you will always remain our lil monster! DDD:

aww.. that was touching ehy?

hah! come on sucka! cheer up man!

we love you!

haha! sorry man, but i think Al really thinks its your fault!

haha! no fret!

we love you hardcore!

DDDDDDDDDDDD:

P.S, you know our smiley never smiles.

D:

-Zeeq Monster your BSSFL-

-Gothic Sara Your Skate Chic-

ha! still can model model man
graffiti at corridor


i think someone wanted to die here
one last look

spooky huh?

Zeeq owns


serenity
its not so scary in the morning
so here are the windows for the souls to free

wanna ride?

Blood stains anyone?




in this walls, i find my fear

now, what can an umbrella do here?





OCH, its damn creepy at night. But it brings serenity moments in the afternooon. it brings u to a clam mind and state. a place i call home. i swear, if we were to go dere again and encounter an exorcism, we`ll run before you can say boo! i wanna go to the mortuary section!! Bring me there. HAHA!


-MonsterGirl-

Whoa, i hate school. i hate school. sriously. Today is just plain sucky like what every other day have been. my life outside schoool, its super duper awesome! sweet shit man! ok so here WAS the story. Met best fren, jude, steward, cheryl, charles and javier at plaza sing on saturday. so yea, got seriously high. laughed out real loud! mock some girls hip hop dancing! hah!
so went for YOG before that. Zeeq called, blah blah blah. ye. so that was my week actually! haha! OMG! went serene the other day, saw deniz and his brother. the brother was like super wacky! i was like "hey, i dint even get your name" then he went :dan for short. Long name, DANGEROUS! haha! nah, its daniel" haha! cant believe he still listens to santana. his gonna perform at SMSS on teachers day with DENIZ as the drummer. haha! sweet shit! haha! so lotsa of days, didnt sleep, went to OCH. Awesome man. spirits. avenging souls. pontianaks, you name it, sara caught it! haha! Gothic sara was kinda like pissed with me cos i kept drinking coke all the way. haha! Zeeq, is awesome BSSFL!


Today, we did CME presentation. Stupid idiots cannot just keep their comments to themselves man! say stuff like "nadirah you look like what liddat!" AHAH! SHUT UP!! whatever i be, is none of your freaking business.go bug your own ass! WHY? havent you seen anyone with a bruised up heart that is making sure that there is nothing showing on the outside but something dying on the inside? That`s why i hate weekdays in school. IT SUCKS!! seriously! Im suprise with the number of FAKES i see in class and meet in school every single given goddamn day! Sheesh, one day, if they provoke me, i`ll really scream at them and they will see the nasty side of me. sheesh.. got swollen eyes cos of the incident at OCH the other day. P.S, thanks AL! dun like you! :P
nah just kidding, you know how much i love you guys! :D
Horrible, during lunch zeeq called. during geog, zeeq called. haha! that guy really shares the same interest as me! haha! i was so pissed with the CME presentation and stuff but after talked to him he made me feel WAY better. haha! Not sleeping tonight again. :DDDD

so yea, basically.


I HATE THE LOW LIFES IN SCHOOL


everyday in school, i hear myself asking myself
"wassup? how`s it like at the outcaster side of class?"

and my heart answers "just fine"


-MonsterGirl-